#toritsuka for definitely for sure for absolutely for sure

[oceanwithouthermoon]

hi you will understand my view

saiki has a lot of boxes full of shopkins and miniature things in general

one day in the middle of a hang out w the gang they're bored in his room and he pulls out one of this bad bitches

ignore the low quality 😭

FUCKKKK YESSS. I DO. I DO UNDERSTAND.

there needs to be like a masterlist of kusuos fixations/special interests LOL but mini things is definitely one of them.. i like to imagine him with a little dollhouse full of shopkins and other mini things so he can shrink down to their size and hangout inside.. sorry that's so silly but i love it LMAO imagine his parents walking into his room and hes in a little mini hammock in a barbie dreamhouse..

omg kusuo writes in a diary but nobody can read it because its mini and he writes in it when hes tiny..

sorry im gonna keep adding my own stupid things to this but. some of his other fixations include zelda, my little pony, mario kart, hot wheels, stuffed animals, the frozen movies (specific ik), vocaloid (pjsk)..

remember how he made his dads figurine move like a real robo-suit when he was in it ? that but with hot WHEELS and those little mario kart figures oh my GOD. sorry.

i still believe that all of the objects and collections he's accumulated because of his fixations are all in hidden places around his room because he's embarrassed of them since like. collecting cute plushies and shopkins isnt a thing the average teenage boy would do. like his closet and the space underneath his bed or even boxes underneath his desk are like portals to another fucking world bro.

[akirameta84]

Nendou having inert leftover Rot Cysts on him acting as his chin definitely makes sense. ...that and it being so close to his face also works with this one idea I have. Aka, Toritsuka intentionally dampened his pain receptors (so Nendou would know something is attacking him, but won't waste precious seconds cringing in pain but instead being able to do something about it), and through use of anesthesia to get rid of any pain completely, after he noticed some Rot Cysts on his back, unlike the ones on Nendou's face which can potentially damage his jaw if taken off, Toritsuka was able to RIP THE ONES ON HIS BACK OFF WITH HIS BARE HANDS. Sure he could've been more careful at the moment in time, but it gave room to graft on some back plates of armor that can also carry more weapons if Nendou angles them correctly.

And, well, he was just so angry in the moment that after ensuring Nendou couldn't feel any pain or discomfort, he needed to do SOMETHING. And it even gives him easier access to Nendou's genome to rework it! So really, who can blame him for his, violent, methods of getting rid of those Rot Cysts? The Ancients? They LEFT THEM. So really, why should he care about what they think?

...also on a less angsty note Saiki, despite his limited memory, managed to remember Aren, because he's Saiki's creation, when he woke up. Which Aren greatly appreciates because EMOTIONS.

And on a different note, the reason Aren even has a name is two reasons. The logical one (an ID number wouldn't work if he can glitch out whilst saying it, confusing his creation, so a name will lead to less confusion in the long run), and the emotional one (hard not to get attached to the being your creating to act as your savior, and harder still to not grow to care for them when through his Overseers he saw how hard Aren worked to complete the tasks given to him).

aren was at the main communications array at the sky islands when kusuo collasped. he was heading back to the superstructure through the Precipice bridge between kusuo and kuusukes structure...but when he reached the end of kuusukes side, it just ended. it dropped into nothing but collasped ruins. that was a horrifying moment. aren had noticed that his creators overseers weren't following him anymore, and he heard the earth shattering sounds of the superstructures collapse...but seeing it in front of his face hit the hardest

just like SRS and Spearmaster, kusuo never gave his creation the mark of communication, as they used sign language so that their conversations could be two way instead of one way

aren wasn't supposed to be mouthless, unlike SM who was. kusuo just messed up and he regrets it. he wanted aren to be capable of eating through the tethers from his spears so that he could ALWAYS find food, as there would always be at least some creature to feed on, and he didn't even have to stop to eat. but he was also supposed to have a mouth like a normal slugcat. kusuo was badly damaged from lack of water already and hadn't realized the changes to his organisms digestive system to allow for the new way of gaining nutrients had completely deleted the normal one until he was finished, and there was absolutely no way or time to make a new messenger.

post revival and pre rarefaction cell...kusuo probably can't remember much of it. the common spoken language is hard enough to grasp, let alone a secondary one. its a miracle he remembers aren at all, but thankfully he does, and he remembers a decent amount of the local group too. at least kuusuke got fed up with kusuos messenger ignoring him after kusuos collaspse and forced a mark of communication on him, so at least he can understand kusuo again

iterators are partially robotic so i imagine theyre very physically strong tbh, so that makes sense. mily angst and comedy bundled into one there huh

tyty for the ask anon <3 i can never have too many aus haha. this has been a lovely one to add to my collection

[sips-tea-cutely]

Can you write sdr2 boys if they were dating an ultimate spirit medium? Personality is cheery, bubble, outgoing, stubborn, and overbearing!

Sdr2 boys dating a bubbly ultimate spirit medium

a/n: the sdr2 cast is so hard to write :distressed:

#Hajime Hinata

he finds every ultimate cool, what do you think 😨😨

wouldn’t be really TOO interested in your talent pre/during killing game.

i feel like post-danganronpa, he’d really want to talk to chiaki but he knows he needs to move on so he decides against it, plus he was you after all. why talk to your dead bsf when you have an alive s/o 😐😐

ANYWAYS, during the killing game, he’d def be running to you for hints and to be his investigation partner (along with chianki, detective trio!!) after nagito went nuts

imagine if your a bit like toritsuka from saiki k, he’d definitely freak out if you could see ghosts in his dorm 😰😰

#Byakuya Twogami

imposter would find you… interesting to say the least???

how can someone be so cheery while talking to dead people 😟😟 they genuinely wanted to know but like they remembered they were dressed up as byakuya

“what foolishness. how can one be so exuberant and happy-go-lucky whilst having such a dreadful talent? tch…”

pls answer them, they need to know/gen 👁👁

#Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

“hey fuyuhiko, theres a spirit named _____, they want to s-“ “👁👁”

HASHSH ok but besides that, he’d find it pretty interesting tbh

post-trial 2, he’d ask you to mediate a conversation between him and peko as a final goodbye. after that i think he’d finally be satisfied and would move on

i feel like post killing game fuyuhiko would ask you if natsumi is okay, still not over her 😪😪

tbh though, at first i think he’d be terrified to approach you cause like what if one of the people he’s hunted down wants to talk to him? what then, would they be angry??

#Gundham Tanaka

help i think this would boost his god/chuunibyou complex 💀💀

“AHA, KAZUICHI, YOU HAD ONCE SAID THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE UNDERWORLD, BUT S/O, THE SUSTAINER OF HEAVENLY PRINCIPLES’ ULTIMATE TALENT ITSELF PROVES ITS’ EXISTENCE”

i feel like in the non-despair/UTDP AU, he’d brag about it to people that are kinda similar/related

omg youre the ultimate anthropologist who does seances? too bad, s/o is better. ultimate prisoner? yea, s/o could totally find the people you killed

omg ok but he really does love you sm, not just for your talent, would def love how you’re so cheery despite having such a despair-inducing talent

im praying to god that you also get into his false reality cause you’d be defending his little reality from kazuichi and i swear, i heard his heart skip a beat (im cham-p btw 😍😍)

#Kazuichi Soda

he’d find you pretty cool tbhh

i dont think that your talent would change any of his feelings but he’d definitely think its interesting

tbh i think he’d try to make devices to help make your talent a little bit easier like maybe a little spirit box or incense scent releaser

i feel like you’d have a thing where you refuse to accept his gifts but his love language is giving gifts and receiving words of affection so yea, it’d be little lighthearted fights aww <33

like i said, nothing would change, as long as you love him <33

#Nagito Komaeda

oh my god, youre amazing 😨😨😨

he would definitely use you as an example to everyone else for what it means to smile at despair in the name of hope

nagito for sure has a lot of people he’d like to talk to; maybe his parents or even his dog would be enough 😞😞 but i feel he’d be scared to do it for two reasons;

1: youre an ultimate! why should a talentless and worthless human being like him even get to ask you for a favor? to him, he seems to be very selfish for even thinking of asking for that

2: he also doesn’t want you to think that he only cares for you to use you as a medium to talk to his parents. sure, at first, he admired you for being a symbol of absolute hope but after getting to know you, he truly fell in love. and the longer he fell, the less of a need to cling to the past as long as his final wish was fulfilled; to be loved by someone before he dies.

#Nekomaru Nidai

YOUR TALENT IS SO COOL OFKFDJN

he would think that training would lowkey make your skill much more easier to practice

he wouldn’t really be too interested in using your talent for his own purposes but he would constantly push the ‘s/o uses their ability to solve the trial’ agenda WJSJSJS but monokuma didn’t allow it

would also ask a bunch of questions about your talent— does it give you a headache, how many spirits can you take, etc

AJSJSSJ im sry i cant think of alot 😭😭

#Teruteru Hanamura

ok i actually have a lot of ideas for teruteru.

so pre/during killing game, he wouldn’t really do anything about your talent, why would he, he’s a chef!

when ibuki suggests to use your talent to talk to byakuya’s spirit, teruteru would almost lose his cool and release his accent (he thankfully didn’t)

and also thankfully, monokuma banned you from using your talent since it’d make the trial boring if they all just relied on you

and then post killing game i feel like he’d ask you to help him talk to his dead mom since im pretty sure its hinted that shes dead

also also omg youre his personal taste tester and i swear to shuichis baseball cap that it’s all food wars clothes-removing inducing kind of good like *chef kiss*

[pika-girl1]

Just had a great idea for a Saiki K. fic!

So basically, AU where Saiki is a ghost that kinda “haunts” PK Academy. He’s not that old of a ghost, maybe like…10 years. Toritsuka can see him ofc and he was still a psychic when he was alive, so other people could see him too sometimes.

He mostly just plays stupid pranks on everyone in the school; students, teachers, staff, no one is safe.

Regular Pranks: moving furniture a few inches in one direction; playing an annoying song over the speakers; writing funny pictures on the chalkboard etc., etc.

Pranks to “A-Holes That Deserve It”™️: pantsing someone in the middle of the hall; pulling their chair out right when they’re abt to sit down; having the water fountain spray water on their shirt; etc., etc.

He can’t use any of his powers from when he was alive, but he’s a powerful enough ghost to be occasionally seen by regular people and physically pick up objects.

(Him being Toritsuka’s guardian spirit is optional)

Saiki has no idea why he’s so drawn to these random students, especially when they gain so much attention! He understands that purple-haired perv cuz he’s a medium, but that kid with the 8th grader syndrome? The giant idiot?? That blue-haired, popular girl??? He does like that one normal guy. He’s absolutely perfect!!

He pretty much sticks around Toritsuka (just to make sure he’s not being a creep and totally not because he like being able to talk to someone who doesn’t run away, scared. Definitely not that.) and haunts the class that used to be his class. Saiki’s also mute, so whenever he talks to Toritsuka, he either signs or writes messages down on piece of notebook paper.

(Toritsuka didn’t know sign language at first, but he decided to learn it cuz he was worried Saiki was wasting too much of his energy just to talk to him.)

One time when Toritsuka is chilling with the gang, Saiki starts to become visible to the others. Everyone is freaking out, while Toritsuka is like “yeah, that’s just Saiki.”

Kaido: Th-Th- THERE’S A GHOST BEHIND YOU!!!

Toritsuka: Hm? *looks over his shoulder* Oh, yeah. That’s Saiki. He haunts the school.

Saiki: *waves at the group*

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

I need more of the hanaki AU if u have more ideas… its literally so funny…

Hmmm I have SOME thoughts/ideas/etc... I hope they are enjoyable!!

Saiki is the only one able to literally cough up bouquets, because he's a very powerful psychic. Depending on the context the colour and pattern of the wrapping can change, and if he's feeling particularly bubbly the ribbon may be curled.

Saiki's flowers are always pink and are usually a medley. Roses, lilacs, carnations, tulips, peonies, chrysanthemums, etc.

It's pretty rare for people to have more than one flower. It's generally attributed to strength of character. The record books show the most hanahaki flowers ever horked up to be four, back in 1975.

The longer Saiki goes swallowing back his feelings, and literally swallowing entire fucking bouquets (his psychic powers handle it it's fine), the more at risk he is of gagging up an entire goddamn cherry blossom tree....It gives him some pretty narsty heartburn. Eventually branches might fwomf out of him but it's funny and hilarious, like when he dislocates all the bones in his body in order to avoid being stabbed by swords.

This is when he's finally convinced to just get it the fuck out there. He uses the baby cherry blossom tree (nicely potted ofc and boy did Saiki ever drink a lotta water after that one...) to confess to Satou.

Anonymously.

On Satou's desk.

Cus he's a fucking idiot.

(It doesn't solve his hanahaki.)

The school is absolutely mystified. It's definitely hanahaki. Hanahaki flowers are more fragrant and vibrant (cus reasons) than non-people'd flowers but there's never, EVER been a case of someone coughing up an entire TREE. Flowers from trees? Sure. The entire goddamn bark and all shebang? Not so much.

(Though it does sometimes pop up in legends as a trait of deities cus lol fuck u saiki get rekt u lil god-kun)

Speculation runs amok.

Saiko lies and says he coughed up an oak tree once in 3rd grade.

Nobody believes him.

There's an entire garden dedicated to flowers people hack up for Teruhashi. Teruhashi thinks it's pretty gross actually ("they come out of your mouth, it may as well be puke!") but keeps that to herself. She's immune to hanahaki (all Teruhashis are) and ironically is VERY mad about it.

Toritsuka coughs up lilacs anytime he's perving, which makes him very easy to spot, catch, and punish accordingly.

Kuboyasu = Iris buds

Kaidou = babys breath

Suzumiya sees Saiki coughing up a bouquet for Satou and things become VERY AWKWARD...(she coughs up clovers and is torn between Satou and Toritsuka)

Yumehara is VERY excited for the day she'll finally cough up a goddamn flower and gets pretty goddamn irritated whenever she sees someone else do it. For some reason when it finally happens it's because of the way Teruhashi smiled at her.... (daffodils btw)

Mera is too busy for hanahaki are you kidding her (but she might burp up a pansy on payday).

Aiura = Hibiscus and/or chrysanthemum, depending on the context.

Satou Notices Saiki eventually and chirrups out a little dandelion.

If Akechi ever got it in himself to love anything that wasn't talking and terrifying people, I think he'd pop out baby sunflowers.

Kuniharu brags that the first time he laid eyes on Kurumi he gallantly plucked a beautiful red rose from his lips and presented it to her with a bow, after beating up the thug.

This is a lie. He did cough up a rose but he choked on it, passed out, and needed to be carted to the hospital. People sucking flowers and petals down their windpipes is the only known cause of death from hanahaki, though it's very rare and generally thought only to happen to idiots.

Kurumi = forget me nots. Cus she's forgetful. It's funny and hilarious.

The culture is generally to use the flower to confess. Depending on the person's ability to fall in love fast or slow, they may pop out on first sight (deemed somehow the most romantic by pop culture, second only to two people coughing up a flower at first sight simultaneously). The flowers wither and die if the person falls out of love (or dies) but otherwise hold strong. It's custom for widows to bury their dead partner's confession bloom in a 'special place'. And yes there ARE thriving businesses making fake hanahaki flowers to keep marriages intact alkdfj

Some folks, example aroace, are less prone to hanahaki than the general population. If they enjoy romance they may cough up a flower during a really emotional movie scene/wedding/etc, or over stuff they really enjoy. 'Sympathetic hanahaki' is rare and thought to be classy, though it can create some mixed signals ready for shenanigans and a lot of soap operas revolve around that plot device.

Those are always Saiki's favourite soap operas btw.

He does sometimes get sympathetic hanahaki if people are being too ridiculous in his telepathy's radius. It's very obvious when it happens because they're blatantly someone else's, idk, persona flower?

Nendo gets yellow petunias over really good ramen.

Hanahaki flowers used to be very region specific but then global capitalism happened so it's turning into a free for all and environmentalists are just grateful hanahaki flowers don't take to the soil and breed.

Guess what Saiki's cherry blossom tree does-

[666eyed]

Dating Saiki Kusuo

It was definitely not an easy journey becoming saiki’s s/o, he first had to come to terms with his turmoil regarding romance, so it most definitely took a while for him to actually express his feelings.

But when he does get to it he’s surprisingly affectionate although he will never admit it, you definitely see it in his eyes. You both were blush-y the first few times you held hands but as times goes by it became muscle memory to hold hands when walking.

LOTS of home dates, you both don’t really like going out and would rather spend time together at each other’s house. Cuddles are a must for saiki, the first time you brought up the subject he was definitely opposed to it, but when he actually tried it he absolutely will not let go of you when you start a session.

Because you guys spend a lot of time at each other’s house naturally his parents grew accustomed to you being at their house, they were definitely surprised when you first visited them and saying you were with kusuo, they even cried to you saying thank you’s. It came to a point where saiki’s parents themselves asked kusuo to have you over, he wasn’t complaining though.

When he told you about his psychic powers you were surprised of course but you didn’t let that change your perspective of him and he really appreciated you specially when you don’t ask for his help because you know he hates using his powers, despite how he hates using his powers he still helps you even if you can do it by yourself.

You both decided to keep your relationship under wraps since saiki didn’t want to stand out, and with saiki’s friends they will definitely make it a big deal as well as toritsuka, he would for sure complain to him how he got a girlfriend before him. Athough he hated seeing toritsuka trying to flirt with you as well as other students confessing to you.

im saiki k content deprived😭

Posted: 12th of October

[aiura-stan]

today on things fanfiction makes me think about: Toritsuka and Saiki’s relationship

I think Toritsuka legitimately really likes Kusuo’s company. I’m not altogether sure -why-, since he isn’t very nice to him. I think it’s because Saiki is the -nicest- anyone has ever treated him, and that’s honestly sad. I wonder if anyone else really respects or cares about him on a fundamental level- as a human being. I don’t really think so. His parental figures seem to have abandoned him, his grandparents were dead from the beginning, and most people at school avoid him like the plague. I imagine an inability to tell humans from ghosts growing up did a number on his capacity for social interaction. Getting addicted to porno mags was the nail in that social coffin. It’s a shitty coping mechanism.

It’s no wonder he’s constantly vying for Saiki’s attention. Though I think it has little to do with who Saiki actually is as a person and more to do with just wanting... someone who will listen. (haha remember that one throwaway line about Kusuo only having a shitty personality left, if he got rid of his psychic abilities??) Saiki is too nice (rather he refuses to enforce his boundaries or cut him off for good) He still constantly pushes Saiki to help him do gross and unnecessary bullshit. I’m not trying to exuse Toritsuka’s actions by any means. I’m just saying that he’s got more reasons for it than just being horny. And also that Kusuo doesn’t always necessarily have the most noble of intentions for not cutting him off. Tortisuka is a fairly usable pawn to Kusuo.

Also, there’s the whole “Master” thing. Toritsuka deifys Saiki for reasons established in the Manga. But he doesn’t leave once Saiki tells him that he was born with his powers, and cannot teach them. He’s still interested in Saiki because of what he is at that point, and wants to know what life would be like as someone with powers that can basically grant them control over anything and everything in their life. So he strokes Saiki’s ego and continues to call him “master” in hopes of finding out something interesting (and maybe in the back of his mind he’s still holding out for psychic powers that can be taught.) Saiki threatens him, and Toritsuka very quickly figures out there’s absolutely nothing he can do to actually complete with this guy. He slowly figures out that Saiki’s powers don’t actually solve all of his problems for him, more often than not being more troublesome than they’re worth. But he sticks around for the fireworks shows because it’s pretty dang impressive (and because he’s scared.)

Aside from that, I think Toritsuka is attracted to Saiki because Saiki is inclined to use his powers to help people, and that’s something Tortisuka can’t quite grasp. After all, no one’s ever really been there for him. Sad as it is, that would make Saiki the first (also probably his first... I hesitate to call them real friends, but I guess they are.)

Conversely, Saiki doesn’t like Toritsuka very much at all. I don’t think I need to explain that part. But from the beginning, he’s interested in Toritsuka’s powers and he’s sympathetic to Toritsuka for what he had to go through because of his powers. He admires the potential of said powers, and wouldn’t mind Toritsuka as a person if he were a more considerate human being, and actually put some effort into the scholastic subjects that interest him (anything except skirt chasing.) He simply refuses to excuse Toritsuka’s shitty attitude and creepiness. Which, honestly, is pretty great. There isn’t enough of that in anime. The scene where Kuriko kicks him across the schoolyard for abusing his powers to attract women is one of my favorites. I do think he goes too far by outright threatening murder to ensure his silence. He theatens to kill him multiple times throughout the comic which, while well deserved, I am sure doesn’t do his confidence any favors. Constantly intimidating someone and meddling with someone who already deifies you is probably... not good for that person. Definitely not if you don’t want them dependent on you. Tortisuka needs a support network and professional help, not a teenage asshole ordering him around.

But for what it’s worth, Saiki is trying to make him a better person (and not just use him as Kuusuke 2.0: a Punching Bag for venting his frustrations.) By the end, Toritsuka has grown as a person, with Saiki’s prodding and meddling. Or at the very least, he’ll do whatever Saiki deems appropriate, in hopes of gaining his favor, including helping people. It’s better than constantly violating people’s boundaries, though it raises new concerns of dependency and such. Luckily he’s not Toritsuka’s only friend by the end- there’s at least two other Psychics who are sort of friends-by-default, and I’d say he’s actually starting to become friends with Hii chan by the end. So maybe Toritsuka won’t stay the school perv forever; maybe there’s hope for him yet. I don’t think it’s entirely because of Saiki- I think it’s more because they became friends. Even though it’s a friendship with a pretty bad power imbalance, it’s the first valuable relationship Toritsuka has, and he learns something from it.

[cielcius]

Excuse moi? I friggin? Love your writing so much?? Brain go brr.

Can I get some uuh... Denk Kanimari x Reader? Pwease?

Where Reader has a Poltergeist quirk, mostly meaning they can leave their body and posess others but if they leave too long they'll 💀💀💀 y'know

But like they're not like edgy?? Like that's just the quirk, aaaa idk anyway tysm love you bye

S/O WITH A POLTERGEIST QUIRK | HEADCANONS

includes: kaminari d.

from the writer: omg thank u, sweetie!! I'm glad u like my writing and I hope u enjoy. thank u for requesting and have a lovely day/evening!

notes & warnings: mentions of d**th, reader has a poltergeist quirk

he has a lot of questions, like he’s so fascinated with your quirk so you’ll probably hear stuff like “what does your body do when your spirit goes out of it? do you just leave it somewhere and get it later?” you heard him, Y/n come collect your body💀

he’s definitely asked you to possess him, multiple times, but it lowkey kinda helps when you’re in battle since you’re used to operating his quirk and knowing how to bring it to maximum power without frying out completely

he could also just possess your body if you’ve taken possession of his but he prefers to float around and watch the fight from above

your quirk is a bigger advantage in battle than you think, you can push another person’s soul out of their body and just take over their body and where are they gonna go?

other than your body which will practically just render them quirkless, the villain can only watch as you chat up the pros and let them cuff the villain’s body

you: 1, villain: 0

but the fact that your personality is the complete opposite is what has him hook, line, and sinker for you. you got in through recommendations so he only heard about your name and the fact that you had a crazy quirk

one of the rumors was that your quirk made people go: 😵 and poor baby got so scared but so excited to meet you because he decided right then and there that he wanted to be your best friend (and then they were dormmates)

after living in the dorms for a while, he slowly managed to learn the complications of your quirk but he takes advantage of that fact and likes to brag/scare outsiders about how badass you are and in all honesty, you’re absolutely amazing in his eyes so you know none of it is a lie

your favorite dates so far have been sneaking out late at night for convenience store runs and having imaginary mukbangs at restaurants where the employees aren’t sure whether to kick you out or to let you guys order more food

if you were possessing somebody else for their quirk like perhaps a civilian who offered (because consent is sexc), he’ll make sure to take care of your body and to keep it safe until you can return

i’m gonna add a little headcanon where other spirits can also possess your body and Kaminari gets a big kick out of talking to big names in history (he likes talking to english writers the most because he thinks your voice with an accent is hot)

there was a little incident where Kaminari hid your body safely in battle but he overdid himself with his quirk and you were this👌 close from never being able to inhabit your body again until Mina found it

sometimes you like to just leave your physical body in your room so your spirit can wander around, leaving Kaminari to find your body and have to go all over the dorms shouting out for you like you’re Casper the Ghost

im sorry but if you two combine into one person, you’d make Toritsuka Reita from Saiki K. 💀 that’s all i’m gonna say about that lol

[birbleafs]

[fic] A Much Ado About (PSI)oulmates

Series: Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan || The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Rating: T Genre: Humour, Breaking The Fourth Wall Character(s): Saiki Kusuo, Aiura Mikoto, Satou Hiroshi, Akechi Touma, Toritsuka Reita Warnings: None, save for canon-typical shenanigans Summary:  Aiura decides to combine her divination abilities with Kusuo’s powers for a super special comedic segment on Affinity Levels. Fic can also be read on AO3 _______

Excerpt taken from clairvoyant Dame Mata-Mata’s advert for Amazing Psychic Services:

99.9% accurate affinity readings and guaranteed life-long happiness! Discover your twin flame with as little 10,000 yen per hour! Some would say it’s foolish to risk your future and wallet on such clandestine offerings, but we assure you, we are no worse than the underhanded brand marketing on children’s television series! Call 1800-TWINFLAMES -1234567 to book a reading today!!

***

Anyone who would believe such clandestine and shady offerings isn’t just a fool but a complete buffoon, Kusuo scoffs impassively at the flyer before him. This is definitely worse than the underhanded brand marketing on children’s TV shows.

“They’re a total noob at it, fer sure!” Aiura says, leaning in too close and posing next to Kusuo as she takes a wefie with her phone. “Like sure, the concept of twin flames and soulmates ain’t new, but to claim everyone has half a soul yearning to get jiggy with its other missing half for life-long bliss is like, a gross oversimplification.” I don’t really care to be honest, Kusuo deadpans. He stares sullenly at how Aiura’s arm is still wrapped around his; she offers him a cheeky grin and a peace sign, snapping yet another wefie before she finally slides away to the opposite seat. “Soulmates just have more natural affinity for each other,” Aiura says, batting her eyelashes at him coyly. “But just like with everything, it doesn’t mean you don’t need to put in any effort to make it work! Hey, speaking of which—the author has a super special birthday tradition where she writes and/or posts up a new story, so this fanfic can totally be about Affinity Meters, right?!” Don’t know what you’re going on about and still don’t actually care, Kusuo retorts, shoving a spoonful of coffee jelly into his mouth as he resolutely tries to enjoy his Sunday afternoon. But Aiura persists, easily breaking the fourth wall to elaborate further: “Just like how Kusuo can use the Affection Meter to quantify a person’s love for another, today we’ll combine Kusuo’s telepathy and my own divination abilities to measure soulmate compatibility via Affinity Levels! So, without further ado, let’s go, let’s goooo!” Aiura, no, Kusuo groans in quiet despair. “Miko-chan, YES!” Aiura whoops, fist-pumping the prologue away as the scene fades out. _______

i.

Satou Hiroshi

Conventional. Moderate. Regular. Behold the quintessential stock background character, the pinnacle of normality—Satou Hiroshi. Standing at a height of 169.9 centimeters and weighing at precisely 61.0 kilograms—the exact national average of a healthy sixteen-year-old Japanese male—he is the gold standard, the epitome of normal. It’s a shame then that few recognize Satou-kun’s remarkable ordinariness, Kusuo muses, watching said background character ambling down the sidewalk with an approving smile. Nevertheless, perhaps that may be to my benefit. Surely our Affinity Levels must be pretty high; after all, we’re both normal and regular high-school teens who do not stand out much— “I don’t think using your powers to make yourself inconspicuous counts though,” Aiura says as she glances over Kusuo’s shoulder, puzzled at his fixation on someone so… well, boring. Kusuo isn’t even listening. We both have regular aspirations and hobbies, seeking only to live peaceful days! “Funnily, I now remember peeking at Normal-kun’s fortune for Hii-chan. And get this, his biggest dream is being on stage as a rock star! Like seriously, how typical can he get?” —So, taking into consideration all of the above, Kusuo presses on, undeterred by Aiura’s commentary, surely we would hit it off as friends with optimal affinity levels! “Uhm, Kusuo?” Aiura nudges him with her elbow, pointing at the meter hovering beside them. “Not to be a wet blanket and all, but the Affinity Meter started running again as you were waxing lyrical earlier, so now it’s showing that Normal-kun and your Affinity Levels are like, really just two stars at best.” She leans forward, squinting at the screen. “Simply because he thinks you’re okay but still a bit of a weirdo. Dayum, the nerve of this twerp!” Kusuo stares wordlessly at her for a beat, slack-jawed. A-Ahyuu…?

Affinity Level: ☆☆ _______

 ii.

Akechi Touma

“It pains me to have to do this,” Aiura lets out a dramatic sigh. “But since Childhood Friends is a pretty popular trope in animanga, and therefore in fanfiction, I guess there’s no avoiding it.” Kusuo scowls, not liking where this is heading at all. It can totally be avoided. We can just avoid talking about it altogether. “Is that you, Kusuo-kun?” Akechi says as he suddenly appears at Kusuo’s side, curiosity in his eyes. “Oh, I see Aiura-san is here as well. I couldn’t help but notice how you two were standing and talking together so I thought I should come say hello, even though I was rather hesitant at first. I didn’t want to abruptly barge into your conversation, you see, as that would have been awfully rude, and I certainly don’t wish for you to think of me as rude, Kusuo-kun.” Yet here you are barging in anyway, blathering on incessantly like a runaway freight train, Kusuo remarks drily. “Well, I couldn’t help but overhear the mention of Affinity Levels,” Akeichi beams as he continues, unfazed by the jibe. “And I can’t say my curiosity isn’t the least bit piqued, even if I have little to no real interest or belief in the notion of soulmates. In fact, the existence of an actual soul remains debatable in scientific circles—” Exasperated, Aiura tries to interject. “Since you ain’t all that interested, mind if you just zip those lips for like five minutes? My hair’s gone all frizzy from the heat of your endless jabbering!” “However, these debates on the existence of the soul had also been instrumental to the understanding of the anatomy and physiology of the human body—” “Oh my God, please just stop yapping for ONE sec—!!” Aiura shrieks, tugging at her curls in frustration. She accidentally kicks the Affinity Meter to start running, and the lights blink and flash in a rapid blur before the meter gradually slows down to display four bright stars upon its screen. There’s a beat; the trio leans forward, staring at the meter in awkward silence. Kusuo’s brows are furrowed at the unexpected results; he shrugs it off as a fluke. Clearly there’s some technical issue with Affinity Meter (never mind that the meter works, in part, based on Aiura’s divination abilities, which have, to date, always been accurate). There’s just no way Akechi could ever beat Satou-kun on that scale, he’s too much of an abnormal— But Aiura is already moving forward, reaching out to grasp Akechi’s hand in a firm handshake. “Aiura-san? Is there something…?” She acknowledges Akechi’s curious gaze with a curt nod. “All right, I can’t deny it any longer. Not with that impressive detective aura of yours and with results like that on both Kusuo and my own Affinity Meter.” Oi, oi. Don’t start spouting weird nonsense now, Miss Abnormal! “All right, Akeinu! I hereby deem you a worthy rival in the fight to stand as Kusuo’s trusted sidekick!” “Oho! You’ve even given me a cutesy nickname as acknowledgment! I must say I’m quite flattered, Aiura-san.” How about I side-kick both of you out of my life right now? Kusuo sighs, mildly perturbed by this unexpected turn of events.

Affinity Level: ☆☆☆☆ _______

iii.

Toritsuka Reita

…… …… …… What, did you seriously think Toritsuka was getting a proper scene? He’s already way too pathetic. NEXT— “W-wait, did you just cut my scene?!” Toritsuka shrieks from the void like a headless chicken. “Don’t just write me off, Saiki-saaan!!” —Saiki exits stage left, pursuing normalcy. “And don’t just narrate yourself out!!”

Affinity Level: N.A. _______

iv. Aiura Mikoto

“At first glance, you might think we make for an odd couple,” Aiura says with a coquettish smile. “And how it seems absolutely cray that we could get along. Or like, that we don’t mesh just ‘cause our personalities clash way too much or somethin’.” She chuckles at the notion, running perfectly manicured nails through her luscious locks. “I mean, it’s obvs only those inexperienced with the inner workings of the heart would think that. Because opposites attract, y’know? It’s the push-pull dynamism between us that spices things up! Like two tango dancers stirring up a flame on the dance floor—it keeps things refreshing and exciting, but still comforting and familiar in the end, like sharing a nice, warm bath at the end of the day, or cuddling up together at the sofa, feeding each other spoons of dessert…” Aiura pauses, blushing when she catches sight of the Affinity Meter fluttering gently by her shoulder, at the line of stars glowing from the screen, a beacon of reassurance of their status as soulmates. She turns towards Kusuo, suddenly self-conscious as she tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Say, Kusuo… How about we head to that nice dessert buffet together and—” Only to realize she had been practically talking to thin air all this time. “H-Huh?! Aww, gimme a break! Where did you run off to this time, Kusuooo?!”

Affinity Level: ☆☆☆☆☆ _______ v.

Coffee Jelly

Good grief—finally some peace and quiet. Kusuo sighs as he leans back into the leather seat of his booth, in a nondescript cafe far away from his usual annoyances. He dips a spoon into his dessert bowl, lifting a dark sliver of coffee jelly to his mouth, and smiles in absolute contentment. There’s a soft whirr, and then a ping from somewhere below. He flicks a furtive gaze at the Affinity Meter hovering at the empty space beside him, curious despite himself. The endless line of glowing stars are probably a bit much, but he smiles anyway at the screen. Huh. I guess it works after all.

Affinity Level: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

—End— _______ Notes:

It’s tradition for myself to spend my birthday writing and/or sharing a new fic (happy birthday to me!! lol). I also had this sitting in my draft for way too long and decided to kick myself to finish it. Apologies for any typoes/errors.

Comments and critique are always welcomed for my fics—I'd like to hear what you think, if you've enjoyed this! Thanks for reading :)

[oceanwithouthermoon]

least favorite saiki ship and why ?

IT SCARES ME THAT THIS IS ON ANON. WHAT IF I SAY THAT I HATE A SHIP AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THE PERSON THAT ASKED THIS IS LIKE THE CEO OF THAT SHIP OR SOMETHING.

... its torisai LMAO.

i dont like saying it on here much cuz its one of the most popular ships in the fandom (the number one most popular ship is kubokai, and im not a fan of that either ☠️ i just think theyre the ship you get from looking at the show/manga purely at surface level and just picking two characters that are close friends and saying 'they should date' even though they wouldnt actually fit together.. i just dont see it personally lol.. OKAY ANYWAY SORRY-) but i really dont like torisai 🧍🏻‍♀️

(im about to talk about sa under this, fair warning)

i literally just posted today about people shipping things in ways that mildly trigger me, and torisai shippers do it pretty bad !! for some reason, mikorei shippers and yumetori shippers etc dont really do the thing that torisai shippers do where they romanticize sexual assault in the way they write them.. im not sure why that is, maybe they think that men cant be sa'd in the way women can ? they think cuz its a gay ship that its okay to write tori sexually harassing and assaulting him (+acting like its cute, not tagging it accordingly with warnings, etc) ? crazy. especially since saiki is implied to be a victim of sa (or at least is canonically a victim of sexual harassment and attempted sa) by his brother..

that whole thing is something i genuinely think is awful and nobody should romanticize sa, but toritsuka isn't inherently awful and still had potential and good character development, so that alone doesnt really make the ship that bad since the shippers are the problem.. i actually used to be okay with it until the shippers ruined it for me, but thinking critically about it (and thinking about WHY the shippers believe that their dynamic is so sexually abusive) did make me realize how much the ship sucks anyway.. (imo !!)

its partly because i project onto saiki, but i already mentioned how saiki is canonically a victim of (at least attempted) sa, and i reallly believe that he would not be interested in dating someone who is so obsessed with sex to the point where he canonically sexually harasses people and tries to peep without their consent !! he is literally an sa victim, obviously that would make him so uncomfortable!!

their friendship at the end of the series is nice and one of the most developed in the series, so i get where people got the ship from, cat tank incident invites a lot of content about them... but toritsuka still has a lot of work to do on himself before he can date ANYONE, and ESPECIALLY a literal sa victim..

when he saw saiki as a girl, one of the first things he did was DIRECTLY ask him about his boobs.. WHY WOULD HE DATE HIM AFTER THAT SKSNKAKAMSK..

actually lol, when i made that post today about ship content that triggers me, part of that was specifically inspired by torisai shippers lol.. (not all ofc and no hate, it just isnt my thing !! torisai mutuals i love u please don't unfollow me..) ive seen multiple people post about how they love torisai BECAUSE they would be absolutely awful for each other and bring out the worst in one another.. like hmm.. great for you if you enjoy that, but that is entirely why i DONT ship it !! i hate ships like that, i love my fluffy healthy romantic ships !!

okay anyway anyway, i love their platonic friendship, they care about each other lots, theyre one of the most developed in the series, their friendship has lots of potential, etc.. i just dont see it romantically !!! maybe in the far far future, but definitely not at the point they are at the end of the series..